Escape to Paradise: Adults-Only Luxury in Fuerteventura
Escape to Paradise: Fuerteventura's Adults-Only Promise? Let's See… (A Messy Review!)
Okay, so Fuerteventura, land of wind and… potential paradise. I’ve just gotten back from a stay at this "adults-only luxury" spot they call Escape to Paradise. And let me tell you, the name sets a high bar. Did it actually live up to the hype? Buckle up, because this is gonna be more of a stream-of-consciousness rollercoaster than a polished brochure.
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- Meta Description: A brutally honest review of Escape to Paradise in Fuerteventura: Is it truly paradise? Find out about the luxury, accessibility, food, and those pesky little details that make or break a holiday. Warning: May contain ramblings and opinions!
(My Arrival: Expectations vs. Reality – Or, "Where's My Goddamn Paradise?")
First impressions? The lobby was… nice. Not knock-your-socks-off amazing, but definitely pleasant. The "adults-only" vibe seemed promising. Less screaming kids, more… peace. I was ready for peace. My flight was delayed, my luggage was lost, and frankly, I needed a stiff drink.
Accessibility & Getting Around:
Wheelchair Accessible?: Okay, important stuff first. They claim to be accessible. I only briefly needed a wheelchair so I'm not an expert on it but the lobby, restaurants and pool areas appeared to be accessible. However, I did notice a few… minor issues. Some ramps seemed a bit steep, and I'm not sure if all the rooms are truly accessible. (Important: Contact the hotel directly to check for the specific needs if you have specific mobility needs!)
Elevator: Yes, there's an elevator. Thank god. Carrying shopping bags (or a suitcase when they show up) up stairs? No thanks.
Airport Transfer: They offer airport transfers, which is a godsend after a bumpy flight. Mine was a bit pricey but hey, convenience!
Car Parking: Free parking is available! I was already feeling relieved.
(My Room: "Luxury," or Just a Fancy Closet?)
Wi-Fi? YES! Free Wi-Fi in all rooms. Major win. (More on that later…)
Internet (LAN) and Internet Services?: They offer it. I didn't need it.
Room Features: Okay, so my room. Pretty standard luxury hotel stuff, but with some definite quirks.
- Air conditioning: Crucial. Hot, sweaty me can't do without that.
- Bathrobes and Slippers: Yes, always appreciated.
- Blackout Curtains: YES! Sleep is important.
- Coffee/Tea Maker: Needed that. Desperately.
- Daily Housekeeping: They really did a good job. The room was spotless, every single day.
- Extra Long Bed: Nice touch. I'm tall.
- In-room safe box: Didn't use it, but good to have.
- Mini Bar: Extortionate prices. Never touched it.
- Private Bathroom: Duh.
- Soundproofing: Needed this. A lot.
- Wake-up Service: Useful when you finally get over jet lag.
- Toiletries: Pretty standard. Good stuff.
- Window That Opens: I tried but couldn't open it. That felt wrong.
The "Minor" Imperfections: A few things weren't perfect. The balcony was a tiny bit sad, and the view wasn't quite as spectacular as I'd hoped. The sofa was also ridiculously uncomfortable.
(The Spa & Relaxation: Escapism? Almost.)
- Spa/Sauna, Steamroom, and Pools: The swimming pool with a View was the main attraction. It was stunning, I'll give them that. Beautifully clear water, and the views were breathtaking.
- Body scrub and Wrap: I got one! It was wonderful. I practically melted.
- Fitness Center: I managed to do a workout. It was well-equipped, but a bit echo-y.
- Foot Bath: I didn't try this.
- Massage: Excellent.
- I went to the sauna: and there was a moment, a genuine moment, where I thought "This is it. This is the escape." The peace!
- The Steamroom: It felt like a weird futuristic metal box. A bit claustrophobic. I left early.
(Dining & Drinking: Food, Glorious Food…and Booze!)
Restaurants: They have multiple restaurants!
- Breakfast [Buffet]: The breakfast buffet was the thing. It was a serious spread. But the quality felt a bit… inconsistent. Some days, it was amazing. Other days? Overcooked eggs and lukewarm bacon. The Asian breakfast was a highlight.
- A la carte in restaurant: The dinners were a mixed bag. Some dishes were outstanding; others were… less so.
- Bar, Poolside bar & Coffee shop: Good, but pricey.
- Room Service: 24-hour room service! Yay!
- Vegetarian restaurant: Had some veggie options. Not a huge vegetarian choice.
- Western breakfast: Pretty good.
Drinks:
- Happy hour: Definite plus.
- Bottle of water: Comes with the room.
Food Safety & Hygiene: All those hygiene measures were noticeable (and reassuring) but they were quite overt, and did interrupt a bit. My food was always safely prepared.
(Things to Do: Boredom? Almost.)
- Things to do? Fuerteventura offers a lot more than just relaxing. There's windsurfing, kitesurfing, beaches, and hiking.
- Bicycle parking: good for those who brought a bike.
- Car park [on-site]: parking available.
- Gift/souvenir shop, Convenience store: Handy.
- Terrace: Good for a drink.
- The beach: I spent a lot of time at the beach!
- Kids facilities: I didn't need them.
(Cleanliness & Safety: Sanitizing the Soul?)
- Cleanliness & Safety Features: They really emphasized the safety protocols.
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment.
- Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit: essential.
(Services & Conveniences: Help Me, I'm Lost!)
- Services: The staff were generally friendly and helpful.
- Concierge: Useful.
- Daily housekeeping, Dry cleaning, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Safety deposit boxes: They have a lot of helpful services.
- Food delivery: I am not sure.
- Air conditioning in Public Areas: necessary.
- Contactless check-in/out: convenient.
- Currency exchange: useful.
(For the Kids: (No Kids Allowed! Hallelujah?))
- No Kids Allowed: Yes, this is an adults-only place, which is exactly what I came for.
(The Final Verdict: Paradise Found? Maybe Not, But Pretty Good!)
Look, Escape to Paradise isn't perfect. There were a few bumps along the road. But overall? It's a good choice. The staff were (mostly) great, the pool was heavenly, and the spa was an actual escape. The food was slightly hit-and-miss, and the "luxury" felt a bit inconsistent. But I found myself relaxed and revived. So, did I escape to paradise? Not quite. But I did find a lovely, relaxing, and mostly kid-free holiday. That's a win in my book.
Would I go back? Probably. But I'd book a cheaper room, and I'd pack my own snacks! ;)
Unbelievable Luxury Awaits: The Suites at Calle Nueva, Bacolod!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's sterile travel itinerary. This is me. My real, chaotic, maybe-slightly-hungover, opinionated, and definitely-gonna-get-lost-at-least-once self, descending upon the Occidental Jandia Royal Level in Fuerteventura. Hold onto your hats, because things are about to get… real.
My Very Subjective, Possibly Ill-Conceived, And Definitely-Not-Perfect Trip to Fuerteventura: Occidental Jandia Royal Level - Adults Only
Day 1: Arrival & Existential Dread (Mostly in a Bathrobe)
Morning (6:00 AM): Wake up to alarm I definitely didn't silence in my sleep. Curse the sun for existing, curse myself for booking a 6 AM flight. This is already a bad start. Groggily stumble through airport security, wondering if my travel-sized toiletries will actually make it through this time. (Spoiler alert: they will, but I'll still sweat it out like a marathon runner).
Morning (9:00 AM): Land in Fuerteventura! The air is warm. Actually, it's a little too warm. Already regretting packing those jeans. Find the shuttle, which is surprisingly punctual, and stare longingly at the sleeping passengers, regretting my life choices.
Morning (11:00 AM): Arrive at the Occidental Jandia Royal Level. Check-in is smooth. TOO smooth. Suspicious. The lobby is gorgeous, all sleek lines and calming neutral tones. I immediately hate it. I need chaos. I need…a cocktail.
Afternoon (12:00 PM): HOLY. MOTHER. OF. VIEWS. My room! Ocean view, balcony, fluffy robes… this is the life. I immediately ditch my travel-worn clothes for the aforementioned robe. And then…I stare at the ocean for a solid hour. Existential dread sets in (it always does). What am I doing with my life? Why did I choose this specific towel? Are my eyebrows even? These are the important questions, people.
Afternoon (1:00 PM): Lunch at the buffet. Okay, the food is decent. There's a lot of it. I try to not eat everything, but fail. This is a serious threat. I try a local dish and find it a bit salty. The truth is, I prefer the burger and fries. No shame.
Afternoon (3:00 PM): Poolside lounging. Find a sun lounger! Score! This is prime real estate. I read for a bit, listen to the gentle lapping of the water. This is starting to feel like a real vacation. A really good vacation. I may have fallen asleep in the sun and gotten a little bit burned. My own damn fault.
Evening (7:00 PM): Dinner at the a la carte restaurant. Fine dining. Fancy cutlery. I feel incredibly underdressed in my slightly-wrinkled linen. The food is incredible. I accidentally spill red wine on my perfectly good white shirt. My internal monologue is screaming. But the food is worth it.
Evening (9:00 PM): Evening stroll. The beach is gorgeous. Waves crash in a rhythm. I stop to admire the stars, contemplate the vastness of the universe, and then decide I need a nightcap. Hotel bar calls.
Evening (10:00 PM): I drink a few too many cocktails. The bartender tells me a joke, and I laugh so hard I snort and spill more wine on myself. Oh, the humanity…
Day 2: Beach Day & Deep, Dark Secrets (Or, at Least, My Undeniable Love of Sand)
- Morning (9:00 AM): Wake up with a slight fuzziness and regret from those extra cocktails last night. Coffee! Coffee is the answer. Lots and lots of coffee. I am really enjoying the breakfast, especially the fresh fruit.
- Morning (10:00 AM): Beach time! I walk along the pristine sand, feeling the sun on my skin, and the wind in my hair. It's heavenly. I try to write in my journal, but the wind keeps blowing the pages, and I end up just staring at the sea. Then, I get a moment of pure, unadulterated bliss and I dive into the water. It is cold and refreshing. Then the waves. Always the waves. I try to take pictures, but find that the phone is already full of sand.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Lunch at the beach bar. I eat a tuna salad. The waiter, who is gorgeous, compliments my hair. I will never wash my hair again.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM): More beach time. Building castles. They're not very good castles, but honestly, who cares? No one is judging my sand-sculpting abilities. I am finally present!
- Afternoon (4:00 PM): The thing about sand is, it gets everywhere! Like, everywhere. In places you didn't even know existed. I resign myself to a permanent sand-based existence.
- Evening (6:00 PM): Sunset drinks on the balcony. This is a must-do. The sky is on fire. Pure, unadulterated magic. I may or may not have a silent conversation with myself about the meaning of life…. again.
- Evening (7:00 PM): Dinner at the buffet. Again. Maybe a little too much. Still, I like the options available to me. Still, I may have eaten too much.
- Evening (9:00 PM): A local band plays at the hotel. They're good! I'm terrible at dancing, but I try anyway. Laughing at myself is good for the soul.
Day 3: Adventure! (Or, at Least, a Guided Tour… probably)
- Morning (8:00 AM): I'm going on a guided tour, to the local sights. I'm terrified of heights, so I'm debating whether to skip the cliffs but decide I should be brave, and go.
- Morning (9:00 AM): The tour starts. The bus is hot. There's a couple behind me arguing in rapid-fire Spanish. I don't understand what they're saying, but I'm pretty sure it involves the word "divorce."
- Morning (10:00 AM): First stop: a volcanic landscape. It's beautiful, desolately beautiful. The guide tells us all about the geology. I zone out and start thinking about what I'm going to eat for lunch.
- Morning (11:00 AM) Second stop: an incredible viewpoint. This is when the height issue happens. I clutch on to the railing for dear life. I force myself to look but can barely breathe. The view is breathtaking. Still, I survive, and that's something, and then I leave.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Lunch at a local restaurant. The food is fantastic. I eat far too much and think about how much better this is than fast food.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM): The tour continues, but nothing is remarkable. I spend the rest of the day thinking about the lunch. The tour finishes. I return to the hotel, exhausted.
- Evening (6:00 PM): I take a swim in the pool to unwind. The water feels perfect, and I can get the feeling of sand from my swim.
- Evening (7:00 PM): Another themed dinner, seafood night. The chef outdoes himself.
- Evening (9:00 PM): I spend a bit of time writing. The journey is coming to an end, so I want to write as much as possible. The evening ends in peacefulness.
Day 4: Spa Day & Last Looks (And the Sadness That Creeps In)
- Morning (9:00 AM): Today, the spa. This is my kind of morning. Massages, facials, relaxation. It is so worth it. After this, I take a swim in the hotel pool which is a perfect end to the morning.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Lunch at the buffet, followed by a final stroll along the beach. This is the last time to breathe in the magic air.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM): Pack. Always the worst part. I realize I've bought way too much stuff I'll never use, but that's a given. Try to squeeze everything into my suitcase. Fail miserably. Sit on it to close and curse the world.
- Evening (6:00 PM): Final sunset. I sit on the balcony and watch the sunset again. It's even more beautiful than the other ones. A wave of sadness washes over me as I realize this is my last night. I have truly enjoyed my solo travels.
- Evening (7:00 PM): I have a romantic dinner. This is my favorite dinner. I'm thankful
Escape to Paradise: Fuerteventura - Let's Get Real, Yeah?
Okay, spill the beans. Is this "Adults-Only Luxury" thing actually worth the schlep to Fuerteventura?
The Rooms! Tell me about the rooms! Did you feel like a pampered…person?
Is the food actually good? Because hotel food...is usually a lottery.
The Pools? Are they as nice as the pictures make them look? And, uh, is it all just posing?
Okay, so, what about the vibe? Is it actually *relaxing*? Or just filled with pretentious people?
Anything I should REALLY avoid there? Any major downers?
So, overall, would you go back? And would you actually *recommend* it?
